Four names...

A tattoo with four names and four flowers

Four names that mean the world to me.

Four names engraved on my arm so I never forget.

Four names that are made from my body. Four names. Four children. All taken away from me by my addiction.

Two names I am now able to see. They have forgiven and are proud of me.

Two names I still wait for patiently. One day they will be 18 and can find me.

This tattoo contains my memories of blurred images of children mixed with my debauchery: four faces that looked on silently, eight hands that clung on desperately, pleading hard to make me someone I could not be, a mother who was safe while they played happily.

As much as I tried to be what they wanted, I could never be.

Four children gone, taken, as no one trusted me.

A wake up call that propelled me into reality.

That dark process allowed a change in me, the becoming of a person who I strived to be.

Actions of addiction finally left me, and I am now an educated professional who grows in sobriety.

Four names, I pray, who will always remember me.

written by gail